Posted in Random Lindz thoughts

After rehab

So after I got myself off of Lamictal and zoloft,  I completely lost my shit. I was in a dark hole for nearly 3 weeks. I decided I better admit myself into the hospital again to get my meds straightened out and my head clear. I spent 4 days there in which the meds I was started on were all wrong and i was feeling worse than ever. I decided to go inpatient into a co-existing disorder rehab through American Addiction Centers. I spent 21 days there and learned so much. Not only about the disease of addiction, but about my mental health condition and about my medication. I learned that for bipolar type 1, I can not be on any anti-depressants or ssri’s. The doctors at the rehab put me on neurotin 3xs a day and Lamictal twice a day. I’ve felt about as level as I have in my entire life. I have to admit I miss my mania, but I know with bipolar disorder, you can’t have one without the other.  What goes up must come down. Im working again for the first time in over a year, and going to school online. Im living my life, And life is pretty good. 

Posted in Random Lindz thoughts

Day one off meds

I feel better than Ive felt in weeks. Sobriety and no nasty pharmaceuticals Fucking with my brain chemistry and how it wants to produce its neurotransmitters. Ive been curious for a long while who I am underneath.  Not just underneath the chemicals I was choosing to recreationally use to feel anything but how I felt, but the drugs the doctors have told me Ive needed to ever live a normal life. What is normal anyway?!  I figured now is as good as time as ever to clean out my body of everything and submerge myself into my higher power, whatever that may be, (I still have yet to discover). One day, one step at a time. 

“But we’ve conditioned ourselves to fight for control over circumstances; and when that control seems to slip away, we panic. It’s an ironic way of avoiding discomfort,  but sometimes we make ourselves miserable to be sure that nothing or no one else can. We choose to hurt ourselves through stress and dread just to be sure we’re prepared when something else could potentially hurt us.”

“We can take almost anything that hurts and recycle it into something good once we’re ready to learn from it.”

-Tiny Buddha 

“Pain is a Teacher”